Archive | June 2017

Another day with pain

It is so hard to get up everyday an know that no matter how hard you try the pain will come back. Today is no different. I awoke in pain and was able to get it to subside long enough to get in the shower and then had to rest. After  a short rest, I was able to finish getting ready. I still do everything I can to feel better, like put on nice clothes, do my hair and put on my make-up.  Yet, it doesn’t take long for the pain to settle back in.

I continue to take all of my medications with no real relief. I take so many meds. everyday as per the doctor’s orders. I take medication around the clock whether it is a muscle relaxer or pain killer they just don’t seem to work for long. The pain medication takes an hour to work and runs out in the last hour only giving me about two hours of some relief. The muscle relaxers Tizanidine and Robaxin  only seem to help very little, because the spams are what cause the pain. If I could just get all the spasms in my back to stop I would be able to do so much.

How I would love to be able to stretch, walk, and exercise more. I would love to be able to go outside and tend to my garden even if it was just for a few minutes day. I long to be able to be able to on a walk around the block or be able to get on the elliptical for more than two minutes on some days. I am really ready to start  getting totally better. I am ready to prove to those closest to me that all this pain is real and not in my head. That I cannot just breathe it away or think it away.

So for now I will just keep my faith and pray. I know God is there and will heal me in his time. Each day is another day for the pain to get better. But understand there are days that are so hard to get through and I feel like I just can’t do it, but with God’s help I do.


Learning to live with pain

After 4 major spinal surgeries in the last 7 months, I am still left spasms in my back and legs that can bring my pain level to 15. I had the first surgery to help stop all the spasms and pain, but now I have the scars,implanted devices as well as the spasms and numbness with proprioception problems with my left leg.

Every day I get up hoping that today will be the day with less pain,  but that comes to a sketching halt as soon as the spasms hit. Most of the time my pain stays around a 5 which I can manage, but often they hit at such I high level that doing just basic activities almost impossible. I take medications to help with the pain, but that often doesn’t really work.

I realize that I am only one month out of the last surgery, but I have been living with pain off and on since 2001 when I had the original spinal problem. Even though the pain does affect my family, I am the one that has to deal with it all day every day. They all have an escape, be it school or work , they can get away, whereas I am home most of the time alone with the dog to deal with the pain. Day by day I am learning of ways to deal with the pain. Sometimes getting up and moving works. Others times just resting or finding a certain sitting position works. I also use CBD rubs to help.

I just have to keep trying. Each day has to get better. So for now I just have to learn to live from day to day.

days after 4th surgery

This was taken about a week after the 4th surgery in 7 months. the small scar to the right is where the device is implanted.