Another day with pain

It is so hard to get up everyday an know that no matter how hard you try the pain will come back. Today is no different. I awoke in pain and was able to get it to subside long enough to get in the shower and then had to rest. After  a short rest, I was able to finish getting ready. I still do everything I can to feel better, like put on nice clothes, do my hair and put on my make-up.  Yet, it doesn’t take long for the pain to settle back in.

I continue to take all of my medications with no real relief. I take so many meds. everyday as per the doctor’s orders. I take medication around the clock whether it is a muscle relaxer or pain killer they just don’t seem to work for long. The pain medication takes an hour to work and runs out in the last hour only giving me about two hours of some relief. The muscle relaxers Tizanidine and Robaxin  only seem to help very little, because the spams are what cause the pain. If I could just get all the spasms in my back to stop I would be able to do so much.

How I would love to be able to stretch, walk, and exercise more. I would love to be able to go outside and tend to my garden even if it was just for a few minutes day. I long to be able to be able to on a walk around the block or be able to get on the elliptical for more than two minutes on some days. I am really ready to start  getting totally better. I am ready to prove to those closest to me that all this pain is real and not in my head. That I cannot just breathe it away or think it away.

So for now I will just keep my faith and pray. I know God is there and will heal me in his time. Each day is another day for the pain to get better. But understand there are days that are so hard to get through and I feel like I just can’t do it, but with God’s help I do.


Published by Denise Rogers

I am a wife, mother, stepmother and grandmother who enjoys spending time with family and friends, crafting, gardening, and I am learning to live with being disabled. In 2017, after my 8th thoracic spinal surgery, I lost all feeling from the waist down as well as losing my proprioception on the right side. This has made it difficult to stand without assistive devices and made it, so I am having to relearn to walk. Plus, I have another uncommon condition called Chiari Malformation Type 1 which also creates balance issues as well as many other health issues. Because of the Chiari and the spinal cord injury, I have been left with severe nerve damage which causes a great deal of pain (5 and greater on pain scale) as well as spasticity, muscle spasms, and allodynia (burning) in various areas of my body. I have endured 8 surgeries on my Thoracic Spine and will probably need more as the drain that was placed will eventually clog and require replacement. Currently, I have a spinal to pleural cavity shunt, which drains the CSF from my arachnoid cysts into my pleural cavity. Professionally, I am a retired Health Care Professional with over 26 years of experience. I have worked in the Public Health realm as well as in Long Term Care and Acute Care. I have a B.A. in Sociology with an emphasis in Social Work. It is my hope that through sharing my personal trials, experiences, and triumphs that I can help others keep moving forward. No matter what life throws at us we can always tell a better story. I know that God is with me and because of this anything is possible. His promise to be by my side every step of the way helps me to keep pushing on even when there are setbacks.

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