As we begin 2020, why not spread love instead anger and hatred? Take time to listen to one another. Or simply share smile. It can change your day and there’s.
I have been unable to use my Bioness L300 Go system for the last two weeks due to the unexplained swelling and pain I had in my right leg. The doctor believed that it was a vein in my leg ruptured which caused the swelling and bruising. So, I took a break from using my devices, but now I am back to using them gradually. I am hopeful that overtime I will improve and graduate from having to use any assistive devices because it is believed that over time new nerve pathways are created. This means more communication from my legs to my brain. This will help improve my proprioception which will improve my balance and feeling in my legs.
I am walking on an incline. My walking continues to be jerky, but with lots of prayer, time, hard work, and going back to Pt for gait training my walking will improve. I am blessed to even be able to stand and walk. I will never take my legs for granted again.
If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. Luke 16:10 NLT
Everyone has experienced fear, but it is how we deal with it that matters. We all can face our fears and overcome them, or we can let the fear cripple us. Becoming disabled at the age of 50 was not what I planned for and it led to so many questions and uncertainties. Thankfully fear kindles courage and courage is what helps us overcome our fears. So, we must find the source of our courage in order to confront our fear.
It is my belief that courage can come from our experiences, from those around us who encourage us, but most of all from God. When I attempt to face a fear on my own, I tend to become overwhelmed and anxious keeping me stuck. But when I seek God’s help first, He lets me see that although my fear may be bigger than me, it is not bigger than Him. When the physical therapist told me to stand for the first time after my spinal cord injury, I was scared, and I did not believe my legs could hold me up after all I couldn’t even feel them. I cried out and asked God to help me through this. He answered by giving me family, friends, therapists, and doctors which continually encouraged me letting me know that they had faith in me and my ability. Their faith in me was greater than the faith I had in myself and because of this it gave me the courage to get through some of the scariest times.
Our fear regardless of how small or big can cripple us if we let it. It can keep us from reaching our full potential, but when we seek God – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9). He guides us, showing us, He is there by helping us to keep moving forward despite our fear. He brings people into our lives to help us through. It is my belief that this is another way God lets us know that we are never alone and our fear maybe bigger than us, but it is not bigger than Him.
Your life may not be where you always envisioned it would be just yet, but all you have is now. Remove the unrealistic expectations and unfair demands of perfection you’ve placed on yourself…close your eyes…and just dance. Really experience life. Really experience God’s love. Enjoy the knowledge that you belong to the Lord and feel the joy of sharing Him with others. Enjoy the life God has given you as you cast every care on Him!
Prayer: Father God, thank You for the life You have given me. Show me how to fully live it without placing demands of perfection on myself. Help me to just dance, just live, and enjoy the gift of life You’ve given me and live it to the fullest in You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
My life changes what seems like daily. Living with chronic pain, dealing with a spinal cord injury which left me with deficits all the while still being a wife, a mother, and grandmother isn’t easy. Yet, I know that I am here for a reason. Each day I open my eyes I am thankful for another day I get to be with my family, enjoy everything around me to the best of my ability, and to have the opportunity to keep moving forward. Even on the days I feel like I am going backwards, I know that God is still with me working on me, refining me.
It has been difficult to get motivated to write or do much of anything being that I have been more pain than normal. I am having a flare up that has caused by pain to remain high despite medications. My spasticity has also been high making it very difficult to walk and stand. I do my best to stay positive and not get grumpy or angry. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I work at it the guilt mixed with the pain wear me down and I do snap at those around me. Of course, this causes even more guilt. Learning to let the guilt go is hard but necessary. We cannot take responsibly for things we cannot control. We must let go of the guilt and focus on the things we can control.
Flare ups for anyone living with chronic pain, be it from a SCI or an illness like Fibromyalgia, cause not only physical pain, but mental as well. For me it is difficult because it means not being able to take care of my family the way I normally do. It means not being able to do something I love, cook a meal for my family. Heck just getting up, showered, and dressed are major feats. But the physical limitations often lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. It is easy to see all the negatives-I can’t make the bed, I can’t get the laundry done, I can’t pick up around the house, I can’t cook a meal, and I can’t…
All these negatives creep in over time, but it is important to change that running line in your head to a more positive one and realize that you really do have an illness. When anyone of us get a cold or the flu we take medications to help and allow ourselves to rest. So why is it that we cannot do this when we have a flare up of symptoms? Admitting that I really do have an ongoing illness continues to be difficult, but through prayer and learning to give it to God I have been able to continue to move forward. Yes, I really do struggle with admitting I have a chronic illness, but my body reminds me every day. I am learning to change the” you’re a failure because you can’t… “story into look at what you are overcoming and continuing to do.
It takes constant reframing of my thoughts. It is so easy to see and hear the negatives. It is important to recognize and deal with what you are feeling.Hiding and pushing your feelings aside only keeps them festering and making the story you hear in your head seem far worse that it really is. By reframing the negative thoughts and feelings we can continue to keep moving forward. For example, When those around you who believe they are being helpful constantly say things like- “Your standing with your knees locked “followed by “you’re not picking your feet up” or ”Get your feet under you , you are leaning to far forward.” And of course, I can feel the issues because my balance is off, my legs buckle and just standing is difficult. Instead of focusing on the negative I do my best to reframe my thoughts to something more like, “Look at you, you’re standing,” or “Wow, you just walked up hill and it was easy.”
It is perfectly okay to Give yourself a pass. Again, understand and realize that you are not choosing to do something. All of us that live with chronic pain/illness must accept that our bodies don’t care if we have plans. Our bodies are going to do what ever they want. So, take the time to rest and recover so that there will be better days ahead.
Be sure to treat yourself with kindness. Reframing your negative thoughts into positive ones helps tell a better story which will impact our emotional state. Remember our brain is powerful and it impacts what our bodies physically feel. Higher stress levels means more pain and a reduction in our ability to deal with the pain.
Reminding yourself and finding the things you can do is also of value. Pain often interrupts our plans, but instead of getting angry and down focus on the things that you have accomplished during the day. We cannot fix the past, but we can adjust and make changes to our future. Find things like painting, gardening, or other hobby to get out and meet others or to relax.
Every step I take is a miracle that God has given me, and it is so easy to lose sight of how far I have come. It is easy to let the negative thoughts and guilt in and start believing them. This affects my mood and my pain levels. Learning to reframe my thoughts, pushing all the yuck out helps reduce my pain levels, makes for a happier day to day life, and makes my mood much better. Stop feeling guilty about the things you cannot control because this only stops you from moving forward. I encourage you to let it go.
Taking time to relax and rest. After a week of being sick as well as dealing with the daily issue my hubby and I are enjoying visiting our family and relaxing in New Port Beach,Ca. This will be our view for the weekend. Hoping this will bring more healing into my body. Enjoying some of the wonders God has given us!